The Underground at UTSC

My place, your place, either way Myspace Tom is not invited.

BY: NOAH FARBERMAN

In 2004 the world of LAN communication changed before my very eyes. What changed?

The release of Nintendo’s game changer: The Nintendo DS.

D.S. Double Screen. The top screen is all view, the bottom all touch. A full control panel, A STYLUS INCLUDED, backlit, with a wicked grey charger, and A STYLUS INCLUDED! Goddamn Nintendo hit home! With an early November 2003 release date, I was crushing Ganondorf’s Sass by February 2004 in the perfectly directed Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass. Phew! What a game. But the games aren’t what kept me going on the ole’ Double Screen. You can only play a game so many times before you become a speedrunner, and that wasn’t about to be a curse I’d die with.

Photo by Denise Jans via Unsplash — Photo by Denise Jans via Unsplash

Lucky for the world, Nintendo had bigger plans than Monster Hunting for the DS. For Nintendo it was never just about the games, they’ve always wanted their consoles to do more, to be more. The NES and the SNES, they were learning. But by the Gameboy they wanted players to get up and leave the house. With the Gameboy colour they were starting to backlight so players could use the console everywhere. And by the DS they were ready for the next step: a communication network. Pictochat. A means for DS owners to SMS through a Local Area Network (LAN) connection. Meaning that anyone sharing a wifi network with you can log into one of the four chatrooms (A, D, B, or C) and start a conversation. With the touchpad enabled, users could type messages but they could also draw. The medium for communication hit its mark like a boxer fighting someone named Mark. Pictochat and the DS were a knockout punch.

And the same stayed true for the DSi and the introduction of the camera and the 3DS with the introduction of the second and third camera. Through all three evolutions of the DS, Pictochat reigned as supreme lord.

Photo by Adam Valstar via Unsplash — Photo by Adam Valstar via Unsplash

Smash Cut to 2020. Australia is a pile of ash. America is trying to time travel. And a man and a bat proved that two beings can still change the world. But that leaves one question: Who is still on Pictochat?

Let’s do a little experiment. I want YOU to pull out your dusty second gen DSi. Open up the two screens. And for a gag hit the power button. It still turns on, right? Even though you haven’t charged in at least five years. That’s a good sign. Why don’t you take a stroll over to Pictochat and see if anyone is online.

Chatroom A:

Stevie Jenkins. Age 22. Occupation. College Dropout/Stockroom Cleaner.

The best days were when you and the boys would get your mom to drop you off at Stevie’s house for a night of gaming, Doritos, and FRIENDSHIP!!! Spirit Tracks just came out, Super Smash Brawl just launched you far back, and you bought a stylus pack for your shiny red Nintendo DS. Once a week the fight was on. And boy were you happy it was. You couldn’t have gotten through middle school without it. And all along the side, planning the next hangout, Pictochat. You’d message at lunch with snack plans, in class with game plans, and after school with times to meet-up. The chat was your texting. The pictochat.

Cut to now. You’re in college and you love it. You’ve been trying to get a job in the field you’re studying. You’re working non-stop at your adult relationships. And you just don’t have the time (or desire) to game anymore. But then you find yourself writing an article about your history with games and consoles. And you remember Stevie and the boys and laugh to yourself thinking: if anyone is still on Pictochat it’s Stevie. But of course that’s impossible because Pictochat is a local communication network.

“I cloned your IP address so we can talk anywhere.” Waiting in Chatroom A is a now 22 year old Stevie Jenkins. “Wanna play Smash?”

You’re baffled and confused and for a night you think, “Why not. I found it fun once.” Well game, you got real boring.

The chips are stale. The games are dark. And the fun isn’t there for you anymore. It’s not bad, you just really enjoy school. Back in middle school all the people you didn’t talk to were playing sports, or doing art, or loving school. And you didn’t think less of them, or about them, at that point. Well now you are one of them and you don’t think about gamers anymore. Say goodbye to Stevie, it doesn’t have to be forever, but it won’t be often anymore. You’ve no desire to game. Log out of chatroom A.

Chatroom B:

The ghost of Hiroshi Yamauchi. Occupation. Fulfilling his earthly purpose before ascending to the new world called the blazing world.

Whoa. Didn’t see this coming. Waiting, and I mean WAITING, for you in chatroom B is Nintendo’s deceased third president Mr. Hiroshi Yamauchi. Knowing that he passed on in 2013 and that once again you are operating off of a local area network connection, you are reasonably skeptical.

“Can you prove it’s you?” you ask the potential ghost.

“How?” the ghost asks you back and you wonder long and hard, do you need him to prove that he is a ghost or prove that he is the ghost of the person who he says he is? After much deliberation you decide that there are more pressing matters than fact checking.

“What do you want?” you decide is the better question to ask while/if you have this opportunity.

“I stayed to correct a million mistakes,” the ghost of Hiroshi Yamauchi starts. “When I left this earth I had failed in my quest to rectify a terrible error I made in the marketing of my greatest invention: Pictochat.” At this point the lights in my room started to flicker and Yamauchi’s voice could be heard in the distance, like seeing something out of the corner of your eye. “It was never meant to be a communication platform. The original purpose of the application was to bring back the text-based adventure in a brand new way.”

“Pictochat was a game?” You type your question into your now floating DSi.

“I fear it was the inclusion of the touchpad or perhaps the lack of instruction… yes. I wanted to create a multinational typing experience. Even in my time, the early days of online gaming, I saw the potential that is the greatest AI: the collective human experience. Together we could have created the most accurate and detailed text-based cooking themed thriller that would have rocked the Cooking Mama fan base to the core--”

“Pictochat was supposed to be a text-based Cooking Mama MMO?”

“Yes. But I failed in my quest--”

“Thank Bowser you did.”

You log out of chatroom B fast. Cooking Mama doesn’t need any more attention than it's getting.

Chatroom C:

James Moyer Franks (Jimmy Pop). Age 47. Occupation. Rapper, songwriter, composer, musician, founder of the comedy pop-rock band Bloodhound Gang.

Well isn’t this a treat. Jimmy Pop in your very own Pictochatroom C. I know you just recently got into their music but still, what a great opportunity. The rest of Bloodhound Gang is there as well but Jimmy is the only one who says his name in every song. You are excited and aren’t sure what to ask first. You want to ask what they’re doing there and compliment their entire music library but I guess you mixed up those messages and send “I love that your music is Pictochat with me I think you’re more than a one chatroom wonder.”

You really messed up here. But it’s okay, Jimmy Pop is cooler than you thought. “It’s nice to Pictochat with you as well, buddy.” You breathe calmly as you read his reply. “And thank you.”

After thanking you for your kind words, Mr. Pop continues his conversation with the other members of his band. It becomes clear that you’ve invaded a rehearsal, or at the very least a private conversation.

In order to prevent overstaying your welcome and crowding the band, you ask for a quick autograph, which Mr. Pop draws with his Stylus and sends via local any network connection, before you say your thanks and goodbyes.

And they told you to never Pictochat your heroes!

Logout of chatroom C.

Chatroom D:

Chatroom D is empty— well I guess you’re in there now. And you probably shouldn’t leave, you know, in case someone else comes in. Actually, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t leave. I’ve been thinking, during this little experiment, that it might be good for you to spend some time alone in there. In chatroom D. Some solitude might do you some good. It’s what you’ve wanted, isn’t it? I mean why else would you investigate a long-dead communication platform? You weren’t hoping to actually find anybody, were you? Or were you hoping your friends would still be there. Stevie, or the guy who built the games you loved, or the comedy musician other people ask you to skip in your playlist because he’s old news but not old enough to be retro. You can relax with your people, never changing or growing up. Is that what you want? A community trapped in time? Or did you want to know that if all else fails there would always be someone waiting for you in chatroom D?

There won’t be.

Communication platforms age and die. Pictochat is dead. Miiverse is dead. Cooking Mama is dying. Thankfully you age alongside your friends. They might not be using the same communication platform. They might not even be the same friends. But no matter the era the age or the area: someone will meet you in a chatroom. Go out there while you can. Go make a friend. Because you sure as heck won’t meet anyone new on Pictochat.

Who is Still on Pictochat?