When Life is a Roller Coaster but I have Motion Sickness

The “roller coaster” of life had taken all of us running wildly, and none of us knew where we were heading to.

BY: JINGSHU HELEN YAO

Many people say that life is a roller coaster, which absolutely terrifies me. I have serious motion sickness and roller coasters can be a complete nightmare for me, and then I can become a complete nightmare for amusement parks and other people. I am the one that throws up on whoever’s nearby and continues to feel dizzy and weak for the rest of the day, ruining the mood for everyone else.

I have motion sickness for almost all methods of transportation that move faster than a bicycle. I always envy those who can read, text, or even write on the bus and train. The only thing I can do is close my eyes and imagine myself elsewhere. I still remember the first road trip I took with my family to Yellow Mountain, a famous tourist attraction located about 3 hours away from my city. I became very sick one hour into the trip and spent the next two days lying in the motel bed, unable to eat anything. 

My family were never fans of road trips afterwards. My creative writing professor Daniel Tysdal once recommended us to practice writing during the commute. While I certainly would love to do that, I might actually end up vomiting my breakfast instead of vomiting creative ideas.

Illustration by Helen / Photo via Railpicture

The cause of motion sickness is simple. To explain it in an unscientific way, my brain was not sure if I was moving or not. Some of my organs, such as my inner ear, could feel that I was moving, but my eyes saw everything relatively still inside the vehicle. My brain received the indication that I was moving and not moving at the same time, which made it confused. Therefore, the simplest and most effective way to cure the dizziness was not any medicine or closing my eyes and pretending to sleep, but looking out of the moving vehicle and making my brain understand what was going on. The movement is both the cause and the cure. 

Honestly, as a person with terrible experience of motion sickness, I never imagine myself traveling to anywhere far away. The first time I took a 13-hour-flight to Toronto, I was already very nervous in the airport and I threw up the pills before even boarding the plane. Even now, when I think of the announcement at the airport, boarding the plane, and then the sound of the plane taking off, they all make me feel uneasy. I tried not to eat or drink anything so I had nothing to throw up even if I felt nauseous.

The first few years living in Canada, I traveled frequently. Not only did I hop on the long flight (up to 24 hours with layovers) across half of the globe every few months, living in a suburb without a car also meant long commutes on public transport. Despite not liking the feeling on buses, trains, and planes, these trips were no longer avoidable. After a few years, however, I found myself used to motion sickness. I still couldn’t read or write on a bus, I still felt disoriented on the train from Kennedy to Union Station, I still threw up on the plane, and I could never ever go to Canada Wonderland. I went on to accept that uncomfortable feeling in a fast moving vehicle, and stare instead out the window at random streets, clouds, or the dark tunnel. Many of my ideas for stories came from those moments when I let my mind flow freely.

Illustration by Helen / Photo via FMC

Meditation is a fancy word. When I think of the word, my brain produces images of a quiet room where all outside noise is filtered out, a cushion, sunlight shining through the window, an aroma candle giving out pleasant smells, and soft music playing in the background. 

Compared to that imagery, public transport seems to be too chaotic, too easy to get distracted. However, my only private space is the small bedroom where I store everything I own. Between class, work, and life, there was also very little time to be devoted to mediation. I used to feel unproductive when everyone else had a book in hand or were typing on their phone on the TTC because I am so used to the idea of grabbing every possible moment to make something valuable. I only got frustrated with my motion sickness during those times, when I couldn't do anything to change it. I have to live with motion sickness. 

It’s not hard to find a space to live with your thoughts. It might be a different space or setting for each individual, and they may change according to circumstances. When traveling in enclosed spaces with strangers is no longer safe, I switched my thinking time to the walks I took in the Highland Creek Valley. When we were suggested not to leave our house unless necessary, it even became the time when I waited for the meal on the stove to boil. Not being able to travel in a long time made me think more about my motion sickness. Traveling used to be a task that I had to accomplish until I could be productive elsewhere. But without it, I felt sick to stay still for so long, not knowing what awaited me in the future. 

The “roller coaster” of life had taken all of us running wildly, and none of us knew where we were heading to. After the initial struggle of living with only myself 24/7, not meeting anyone face-to-face, I started to see it as another opportunity to spend time with my own thoughts. A period of time when I could not be productive but could only wait to reach the next destination and accomplish what I intended to do.

Artwork by Jingshu Helen Yao // THE UNDERGROUND