A Cluster of Claustrophobic Girlbosses: Shiva Baby (2020) and Representing the Modern Woman
What happens when you mix bisexuals, ex-girlfriends, cheaters, sugar babies, and real babies, with a shiva?
BY: MAIDAH AFZAL
Rachel Sennot posing in promotional material for Shiva Baby (2020) / Photo courtesy of Letterboxd News
Alert: This article contains spoilers
Happy Pride Month everyone! For the remainder of June, I had tasked myself to watch more films related to the LGBTQ2S+ community to further educate myself and try my best to support films that need the exposure and appreciation they deserve. Scrolling on Letterboxd, a platform that allows cinephiles to log and find films that match the user’s taste, I came across a peculiar little post with one of the most intriguing titles I had seen in a while: “Chaotic Bisexual: inside the Shiva Baby universe.”
Skimming through the article, I thought this was the perfect movie for me to watch. Directed by Emma Seligman, who identifies as bisexual and Jewish, never in my life had I the chance to experience something as intense as Shiva Baby (2020). Originally a 2018 short film, Emma Seligman’s final cut had gained high success through its virtual premier at the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) and South by Southwest (SXSW). The film’s allure comes from both its popularity in the early stages of the COVID-19 pandemic, as well as through its hilariously honest depiction of Seligman’s own take of growing up in the 21st century. Receiving both positive and negative comments on Twitter and Instagram, I finally decided to give Seligman’s debut film a watch.
Danielle, played by Rachel Sennot / Photo courtesy of IMDb
Shiva, meaning seven in Hebrew, is a weeklong period in which the immediate family mourns the loss of a loved one. In this period, friends and other relatives attend the family home to give condolences and show support to the family whose member passed. Following the funeral and initial mourning period, sitting shiva is when these mourners come to participate in the traditional ritual of observing a shiva, sometimes sitting low to the ground on stools or boxes to receive condolence calls. Shiva customs also include showing cleanliness, preparing a meal of condolence, lighting candles, covering mirrors and pictures, focusing on the mourning rather than personal luxuries, as well as Keriah (or kriah, meaning to tear in Hebrew), the tearing of garments to show grief. The discussion should be strictly about the deceased and comforting the immediate family. Shiva is a process that allows a gradual transition back into society through allocating a healthy amount of time and comfort to process the loss of a loved one.
As we go through the movie, I would like to point out that I am neither Jewish or a part of the queer community. However, while these are prominent focuses, the movie is still capable of not leaving anyone out. Shiva Baby portrays the intensity of families and the modern woman in as accurate a light as it could, creating a relevant and informative piece for both queer and non-queer individuals to understand.
Sugar-daddy Max, played by Danny Deferrari (left) with Danielle’s father Joel, played by Fred Melamed (right) / Photo courtesy of TIFF
As the film opens with loud moans and grunting, we quickly dive in to see the reality of Danielle (Rachel Sennott)’s life and her ways of earning money. Convincing her sugar daddy Max (Danny Deferrari) to pay for her law school courses, she comes by the emotionally invested proprietor for spots of cash. However, truths become unveiled when the two see each other at a family friend’s shiva, revealing she has nothing to do with the career but instead earns her money for her own luxuries.
A “sugar daddy” is more commonly defined by Merriam-Webster as “a well-to-do usually older man who supports or spends lavishly on a mistress, girlfriend, or boyfriend” (also interchangeable with “sugar momma,” taking care of their “sugar babies”), in which the role has become increasingly popular with a variety of intent. Sugar dating is transactional, it can take the form of an innocent relationship where the benefactor is funding someone for companionship in return, or in the case of Shiva Baby, Max is funding Danielle’s schooling in return for sex (and perhaps more). What separates this from illegal sex work is the lack of an explicit agreement for sex, though it is not entirely redacted from the relationship.
Seeing this relationship on screen instead of through comedic one-liners by friends about needing a sugar daddy was shocking, as I didn’t think it would be possible to hear the term in an industry-funded, critically-acclaimed movie. When the relationship was established, I was taken aback by the recognition it had earned, and even brought me to ponder how normalised the title had become. Hearing it before as Twitter humour and horror stories brought about by friends was now changed into a legitimate, contemplative scenario. This isn’t just some story I heard off the internet: this is real life.
But, in reality, sugar dating has become the norm to get money quickly and legally. According to Seeking Arrangement, a popular sugar dating website, over 350,000 post-secondary students signed up in 2021, and to my surprise, as of January, 257 of them said to be from the University of Toronto. So, as the movie follows Danielle, a twenty-first century college student just trying to get through this shiva, we come to realise just how modern and relevant to today’s society this film is.
Photo courtesy of TIFF
Invasive conversations, such as Danielle's weight, bring out the second issue that may come with family reunions: pointing out if someone is eating “too much” or “too little.” Danielle is intervally told she should be eating more, and while more and more stress is added onto Danielle’s mind, we see her adding an equivalent amount to her own plate. Either doing this to satisfy her family’s demands and lessen the attacks, or as a reactionary stress reliever, she does not appear happy to be doing so.
I personally related to our protagonist when it came to her relationship with family and food. Whether I’ve been asked if I was eating enough or had heaps of food plopped onto my dinner plate at the family BBQ, the constant rolling of Danielle’s eyes to the back of her head felt familiar to me. Though of course we should be promoting healthier minds and bodies, we cannot base it simply off the physique. It had always irked me that it was an acceptable form of conversation, when the reality is that it’s not really anyone’s business to comment on the appearance of others, or even diagnose an eating disorder, as one of Danielle’s family members had done.
Maya, played by Molly Gordon (left) and Danielle (right) / Photo courtesy of LA Times
Amongst the chaos, we dive even deeper when we finally get a look at the “chaotic bisexual,” as labelled in Ella Kemp’s earlier interview with writer-director Emma Seligman. Shiva Baby includes commentary on “discovering oneself,” as Danielle sees old flame Maya (Molly Gordon) in an awkward meeting that leaves her reflecting on her own needs rather than the ones people have determined for her. One of the verbally oppositional forces to this is her mother Debbie (Polly Draper), as she reminds Danielle of her end to “experimenting.” Though there are no rebuttals from Danielle herself, we do feel the awkward, sexual tension between the two. In an interview with Madeline DuCharme, Seligman comments on who she wanted to represent when creating the feature-length version of Shiva Baby. “I wanted to portray the way your family just doesn’t really get bisexuality: They think you’re experimenting or actually gay or whatever. But I’m also really tired of seeing that be the main conflict of a character’s journey.” Being a bisexual herself, she also points out the importance of representation of bisexuality in the media, and the necessity to move away from stereotypes that add on to the harm of bi-erasure, such as being flighty, unable to makeup their minds, or even slutty.
In the Canadian Community Health Survey, an annual questionnaire run by Statistics Canada, statistics showed that as of 2018, it has been reported that approximately 900,000 Canadians “were lesbian, gay, or bisexual, representing 3.3% of the population aged 15 and older.” This high volume is ever-increasing, and besides Shiva Baby, the more popular media figures on bisexual culture include Call Me By Your Name (2017), which amongst controversial news around the morality of the characters, specifically their ages, may strike negative views on bisexuals by association. When people who identify with the LGBTQ2S+ community create content that represents these relationships in a natural light, such as Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019) by director Céline Sciamma who identifies as lesbian, they provide positive portrayals and depictions of these growing communities.
Kim Becket, played by Dianna Agron (left) with husband Max / Photo courtesy of TIFF
What I found most intriguing with the story was how they approached women being represented in the workplace. With constant talks about Maya’s future law practice, the discussion quickly turns to Danielle’s own career path. Lying about interviews lined up to relatives and her entire guise for earning money from her sugar daddy, there are multiple instances where we see the unfortunate feelings of alienation and guilt settle in on Danielle’s lies but also her own faith in her career path. Throughout the film, we see Danielle getting asked the million dollar question: “What was your major again?” As I had come from an academia-praising family, if the answer wasn’t a path involving medical school with a six-figure finish, it was useless.
Unfortunately for Danielle, it seemed the same is true. If it weren’t for family members stuffing their faces with bagels and lox, the small talk would have sent me through the roof with the pretentious and judgemental dialogue. Eventually, there comes a point in the movie where it just isn’t girls supporting girls anymore. We see the sly smirks that come when Danielle reveals her major in Gender Studies, especially from the scheming Maya, when she downplays her entire career to “Oh, so you could run marches like with the pink pussy hats.” Additionally, when Danielle is confronted by her sugar daddy’s wife Kim (Dianna Agron), on details about her education, she gets shut down by Danielle’s most memorable speech.
“I don’t really wanna be like a girlboss type of, that’s not my thing.” Shiva Baby feels like watching a group of power-hungry wolves, desperate to establish whoever’s on top. Danielle, especially feeling hopeless in her own skin, colours herself with the title of “law student” to her financial amoroso, receiving the particular admiration we see Maya gets heralded for. But as her lies begin to crumble, she lashes out in the last bit of hope for dominance she has: downplay the success of the woman who also holds admiration from Max. And when this doesn’t work, all we can hope for is Danielle to find the peace of mind that so many of us in the population can do in tight, family stress-inducing environments.
(From left to right) Joel, Danielle, and her mother Debbie (played by Polly Draper) / Photo courtesy of TIFF
Compared to the short, eight minute film that was released in 2018, there have been added themes that were not mentioned before, such as sexuality and careers. However, still sticking to the main plot between Danielle and Max while still being able to emulate the claustrophobic pressures proves rewarding when granted a feature from her simple thesis project short film. Found on Vimeo, “Shiva Baby” (2018) now holds 22.8K views as of July 4th 2021; a spiked value in comparison to other videos published by the NYU Tisch Undergrad Film & TV account. Though considered a new independent film, the 24-year-old writer-director’s debut has collected movie buzz from all over the globe, including Indie Memphis for Best Narrative Feature, TIFF’s Best Canadian Feature Film, and most recently The ReFrame Stamp, winning best Narrative Feature.
Its increasing popularity is perhaps the best thing I could hope for, as it means the content is becoming more accessible to the public. In addition to its positive reviews, Emma Seligman’s ability to break through to cinemas at such an early age, as well as provide more representation for both the queer and Jewish community, holds hopeful to the potential within a young creative’s work, and the ability for viewers to see more of themselves in cinema. It’s always a treat to see and relate to characters that are of your own identity and ethnicity, while being presented with care.