Rethinking Racism After a Year of Pandemic
I was completely ignorant about “race” and “racism” before I came to Canada, and it took me a long time to realize my ignorance. It is not the responsibility of other communities to educate us, but our job to actively reflect and keep learning.
BY: JINGSHU HELEN YAO
Artwork by Korean-Swedish artist Lisa Wool-Rim Sjöblom / Image via PBS News
About a year ago, I wrote an article on racism against Asians during COVID-19. Little did I know, but it was just the beginning of the pandemic as well as the racism that came along. Recently, as COVID-19 marked its “one year anniversary,” racism against Asians is once more accelerated. On March 16, the shocking Atlanta spa shooting caused the death of six Asian-American women. The next day in San Francisco, 70-year-old Xiao Zhen Xie was assaulted by a man. Less than ten days later, again in San Francisco, an 84-year-old Asian man was kicked out of his wheelchair on the sidewalk. On Sunday, March 28, more than 5000 people gathered in Philip Nathan Square to show their solidarity in a rally against anti-Asian racism.
Now, looking back on my own words in May 2020, I realized how little thought I had given “racism” before it actually happened to me, that I couldn’t even write the essay without consulting a professional. Ironically, on the exact day the article was available on The Underground website, I was flipped by an (unmasked) white woman on my way back from the grocery store, who yelled, “go fucking home” while jogging past me with her middle finger raising like a flag. I thought about the incident many times later that day, thinking about the possibility that she was wearing air-pods and was yelling at someone else. Then it occurred to me that I was still in denial, even with the news articles and many similar but not as obvious incidents from before, even after writing an article and interviewing an expert, I still refused to believe racism as something that could happen to me.
Poster by Amanda Phingbodhipakkiya in New York City / Image via New York Times
My denial of racism is related to the environment where I grew up. China is a relatively monocultural society, where I was the majority. Everything I knew about racism was from books, stories, and movies. During high school, I even took a special interest in the American Civil Rights Movement and sought books and documentaries on this topic. However, I read about Rosa Parks and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. without any connection to the real world. Even news reports from western countries on the other side of the globe were so remote and distant that they almost seemed fictional. It’s not an extraction to say that, for me, MLK and Malcolm X’s struggle for equality and justice for African Americans were no different from Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr’s fight for the lives of mutants at the time.
When I told my friend who grew up in Toronto that “I was completely ignorant about racism when I first came to Canada,” he was very shocked and asked, “You read Gone with the Wind in middle school, how could you not know anything?” When I read Gone with the Wind, I took the description of the “harmonious” relationship between Scarlett and the people she enslaves as historically accurate. With little knowledge of the actual Civil War history and the literary criticism, I interpreted what I read in a way I couldn’t bear to imagine today. Unfortunately, much of my knowledge related to racism was gained that way.
Vandalised Mulan Poster / Image via BBC
I was completely ignorant about “race” and “racism” before I came to Canada, and it took me a long time to realize my ignorance. It led me to behave and speak in ways that I am now very ashamed of, thinking back. When people around me talked about racism against them, I would listen as if it was one of those “fictions” and failed to treat the speaker and their story with enough respect. I thought the radical comments from activists were overdramatic, and that they shouldn’t be so angry and impulsive. Though unintentionally, I must have hurt people with my thoughts and behaviours, with my ignorance.
Even after spending a few years in Toronto and becoming more familiar with racial issues that are often brought up and discussed, racism was not something I understood before it happened to me. After several incidents during COVID-19, my way of thinking changed drastically. I found myself becoming more and more scared of leaving my house, more and more sensitive towards any comments or behaviours. Whenever I meet a stranger, or even just passing someone on the sidewalk, I would find myself praying in my head, “please don’t say anything or do anything.” Even if they only step aside to make distance between us, which is a completely normal thing to do during social distancing, I would spend the next ten minutes thinking about whether they did it because I am Asian. I finally started to understand why people could act defensively and why they fought so furiously.
Statistics on COVID-19 related anti-asian racism / Image via BBC
What my learning experience made me realize, however, is that racism doesn’t equal “a terrible person.” When a person is accused of being racist, they would automatically associate the word with “uneducated, arrogant, having no positive quality at all,” which made them rush to deny it (Dr. Robin DiAngelo, a researcher on the theory of “white defensiveness,” has several publications and videos on this topic). In many cases, these behaviours are caused by the ignorance of certain communities and their culture rather than being a “complete jerk.” I was racist because I was ignorant. From the very beginning, I was actively educating myself about racism but because I never truly understood it, some of my behaviours and words were, unfortunately, racist. Even now, after I had the experience, what I understand is still only racism against Asians in the context of COVID-19. What I didn’t realize before is that racism is such a broad concept that it includes so many different experiences based on people’s different identities. For example, I could never truly understand what an African-American experienced or how Islamophobia could affect a Muslim. But now I understand the feelings, pressures, and mental health issues caused by racism. Now, when people share their experience, I won’t suggest that “Maybe you are just overthinking, maybe it’s just an accident.” I would listen and say “I am really sorry this happened to you”—that’s how I wish others would treat me. On the other hand, if I had never personally experienced racism or had seen what happened to others that looked, sounded, and self-identified like me, I would still be ignorant without even realizing it.
Toronto Rally Against Anti-Asian Racism / Image via Toronto Star
I am not arguing that ignorance is the sole reason for racism, neither am I trying to justify the actions of my past self or those who unintentionally behave problematically. I am only pointing out that even a well-meant person who is willing to learn may still be racist. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to reflect on myself and confront my ignorance. Reflection and continuously learning is what everyone needs, not only for race but also for gender, sexual orientation, social status, and so much more. Even when we think we’ve read enough and heard enough about someone else’s experience, we could still be ignorant of how it may affect them, and we may still unintentionally discriminate against others. It is not the responsibility of these communities to educate us, but it is our job to actively reflect and keep learning. I have listed a few methods of learning below for your reference. Personally, I found it most effective to talk to those who had the experience, hearing it from someone you know in real life might be more impactful and provoking.
Indigo Reading List: https://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/antiracist-reading-list/
Ted Talks on the topic of race: https://www.ted.com/talks?topics%5B%5D=race
Public Service Alliance Canada resources: http://psacunion.ca/anti-racism-resources
NPR podcast Code Switching: https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510312/codeswitch
