Re-Thinking Feminism in 2020

To the chronic mansplainers in my life, this one's for you.

BY: MALIKA DAYA

Photo via Pinterest

I’ll be real with you, if you’re reading this, you probably get it. You’re among those that believe in the importance of feminism, and I can bet that there are a significant number of readers who did not open this article because Feminism is in its title. It has become a tainted word that many use with a sarcastic connotation, “Oh you’re a feminist, that’s cute” or “I don’t get feminists.” 

The latter always gets me, how do you not “get” feminists? In this article, I am focusing on gender and the meaning prescribed to being a woman in a society that is created by men, for men. A society that has caused severe inequality for centuries and continues to persist.  Let me take a moment to define feminism. In the meantime if you want to check out a short video on a quick history lesson and what it means to be a feminist, do so here. 

Photo via Merriam-Webster

So feminism is literally equality of the sexes. In a world that lives in a system of patriarchy—control by men of a disproportionately large share of power—women are constantly fighting for equality and their share of power. An important distinction to be made here is between sex and gender. Sex is defined by the biological characteristics, like chromosomes (XX, XY), that determine whether an individual is male or female, and there is variation in biological attributes that determine sex and how it is expressed. Gender, on the other hand, is a social construction and performance of how women are expected and perceived to be, it’s completely imagined by society. 

Infographic via Canadian Institutes of Health Research

Let’s imagine a situation together; I invite all of you to my Muslim, South Asian home to celebrate the Eid, after Ramadan. My family is what I consider to be pretty progressive, but in many ways, ideas of patriarchy are fostered and reproduced. You and whoever else is reading this article come over for dinner. Now, perhaps my dad did the cooking before you all came over. But when the guests arrive, the women are expected to do the setting up, the serving, and the cleaning—constantly running back and forth from the kitchen to attend to the guests. The men are sitting and enjoying a game of hockey with a steaming hot cup of chai. 

A woman’s natural place is not in a kitchen. Let’s just get that straight, I’m not born to cook for you, clean for you, and serve you. That role was entirely made up, and probably by men. 

So, many of you are probably thinking times are changing, I’ll help my girlfriend out in the kitchen, no problem. To those of you that do and don’t expect recognition for it, you’re my favourite kind of man. To those who need to be validated for it, don’t expect to be patted on the back for that kind of thinking. That’s like being congratulated for washing your hands during a pandemic or better yet, wearing a mask, all you’re doing is your part. And to those of you who expect to be spoon-fed, grow up. 

I get a lot of shit for being blunt when it comes to my feminist perspective on the world. I get a lot of shit for being honest about the fact that I expect respect and equality. I’m told that my standards are “too high” even from the “wokest” of men and women. 

And you know what I think the issue might be is, that people think the problem of feminism has been magically solved. Women can vote, go to school, get jobs, what more do they want, right? Feminism is done and dealt with. Kamala Harris is the incoming Vice President of the United States of America, Jacinda Arden is the Prime Minister of New Zealand, for a second term, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC for short), is the badass Congresswoman for New York’s district 14. They all are in power, so we good, right? 

Wrong. These women are few and far between. We celebrate them as leaders and women, yet it’s important to acknowledge that for most women, they don’t have the same privilege, power, or safety to battle against inequality in the same way these women do. And even these powerhouse politicians deal with the microaggressions of patriarchy every day. 

Microaggressions are the subtle comments or actions that express a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group. Take the US Vice Presidential debate between Kamala Harris and Mike Pence, for an example. The moment that blew up the internet is when the queen herself said: 

Photo via ScoopWhoop

This moment was fucking iconic. A woman of colour told a powerful white man to shut up. This is heated, for not only is she a woman, but she is a woman of colour that is speaking back to a symbolic and literal representation of the oppressor: a white, heterosexual man. Kamala’s frustration of being spoken over and interrupted is nothing new for women worldwide. 

It happens more often that you’d think. There is even a term coined for it, it’s called mansplaining. Mansplaining is when a man interrupts you to explain to you what you already know, oftentimes it's condescending and patronizing. To all of you right now, who are like, “that is all bullshit,” there wouldn’t be a popular term coined for it if people didn’t experience it all the fucking time. So don’t bring your fragile ego into this. 

Graphic via MetroUK

I need to pause here for a moment and clarify something on that note. This article, and feminism in general, are not intended to be “men are trash” expressions of hate. I don’t hate men, I don’t think all men are trash, and I don’t think feminism is trying to hinder men. That is all counterproductive to this conversation, it is not anti-men, rather, it is a commentary on a system that is built for men, by men. 

So, if anyone is taking this personally, I’d ask that you reflect on why. Why is your ego being hurt? What are you projecting onto this idea of equality? 

This system has distorted the value of men and diminished the value of women. 

Why is it that women are being trained in self-defense to protect themselves in situations of sexual harassment and assault, yet young boys and men are not being brought up to understand consent from childhood? 

Why is it that women are taught to be subservient and passive, whereas men are told to go after what they want, when they want? Why is it that women are brought up like prey and men like predators? There are whole communities of predators and misogynists on the internet, specifically on the manosphere. The manosphere is an internet bubble that strongly opposes feminism, promotes masculinity and hostility towards women, and is extremely misogynistic. 

Misogyny is the hatred of, aversion to, or prejudice of women. Now I am not saying all men are intentionally misogynistic or predators like those in the manosphere. 

But, many men are socialized to behave and act in a patronizing way, at times not noticing when they are mansplaining or, another favourite of mine, mandozing. This is a term I found while doing research that puts a label to a very familiar experience, of when a man disregards entirely what you’ve said and continues the conversation to suit his line of thinking. The sheer number of times I’ve experienced this is embarrassing. 

When I talk about patronizing behaviours I mean when someone acts like they’re helping you, but it comes from a place of superiority, of thinking one knows more than others, and is actually very condescending. It’s the birthplace of mansplaining and mandozing. And women struggle with men patronizing them all the time, be it in domestic spaces, in the public eye, or in corporate towers. Feminism, in many ways, is fighting for women’s right to take up space and be heard. 

The thing is, no matter how many policies are implemented, if society’s mindset doesn’t change, equality will not be a successful pursuit. The way we think about feminism needs to be reconstructed. The pursuit of feminism is not here to tear down men. It’s a joint venture towards a more equal world. 

There are so many stereotypes and misconceptions about feminism. And feminism has many forms of expression, as many women and men take on the battle to fight for equality. Some may sit well with you, others may not—but that doesn’t mean you discredit the entire movement. 

And to the women in the house, who don’t like to identify as feminists, I’m not here to patronize you or belittle you or judge you. BBC’s piece on Why so many young women don’t call themselves feminists highlights an unspoken truth. Feminism has gotten a bad rep, it’s often attached to this idea of being a man-hater. And although some women won’t outright call themselves feminists, most of them still believe in the battle for equality.

There you have it friends. Perhaps then, the word feminism itself has been tainted, but the need and want for equality by women in diverse racial and ethnic backgrounds is prevalent, and may I add, emergent. 

All of this is to say I want to be free from this social construction, this imagination, of what a woman’s role in society should be. I want to be free from the mansplaining and the mandozing, and the only real way I’ll attain that freedom is through equality. So I am a feminist. And I hope you’ll subscribe and also wear the badge with pride.