This Illusion Called “Love”
How the media can both shape our view of love, and destroy it.
Photo via Pinterest
Love is undoubtedly the most nuanced human emotion, and has been one of the most prominent subjects of art, literature, and media throughout time. From the golden era of Hollywood to the modern world of social media, love has been portrayed in a multitude of ways, each with its own unique message and impact on society.
Photo via Pinterest
What is particularly striking is that love is often depicted as an ideal, with those who have found it being perceived as whole, and those who yearn for it portrayed as incomplete. In art, love is given the status of a sublime and ethereal force that transcends all boundaries, and defies logic and reason. In literature, it is both a driving force behind goodness, as well as a source of tragedy, leading to heartbreak and despair. However in the media, love is often seen as the pinnacle of human existence, the ultimate fulfillment and raison d'être of life.
The obvious problem here is that the various romantic tropes people love to see creates unrealistic expectations for real life relationships. One such example is the concept of "love at first sight," where an instantaneous and intense romantic attraction is formed upon a first glimpse. For days after, this new interest plagues the main character’s heart and mind as they come to the conclusion that this single interaction means their life is forever changed. However, the reality is that love at first sight is often based solely on physical attraction, without taking into consideration important factors such as personality, interests, and values.
Building a strong and healthy relationship requires time, effort, and a deeper understanding of each other's qualities beyond mere physical attraction. While initial attraction can be a powerful force, it alone is not enough to sustain a meaningful and lasting relationship. Additionally, attraction wears off over time, and people realize that they are not truly compatible, or that the relationship lacks authenticity and substance.
The portrayal of romantic tropes in media can also create unrealistic expectations about the pace and progression of relationships. In books, movies, and TV shows, relationships often unfold quickly and seamlessly, with conflicts conveniently resolved and characters living happily ever after. Take the "Twilight" series for example, a whirlwind romance between a girl named Bella and a vampire named Edward, and an iconic romance of the 21st century that I, jokingly, think might one day replace Romeo and Juliet in the educational curriculum.
Photo via Twilight Saga Wiki
Meeting in a high school setting, their relationship develops quickly, with intense emotions and conflicts conveniently resolved. The most prominent conflict includes the discovery of Edward being a vampire, something which should generally garner fear and shock. But despite the nature of this revelation, Bella quickly forgives Edward, and they continue their romantic relationship without addressing the underlying issues that arise from their differences. In other words, a “perfect” love story. However, if we assume that nothing about this series should be taken into our personal lives, we can see that it does not portray the complex aspects of both fictional and real relationships alike, such as communication, compromise, and emotional maturity.
This leads to another popular concept about love in the media, the idea that everyone has a “soulmate,” a perfect person that completes one’s being. This suggests that when two soulmates find each other, everything will be smooth sailing and easy. However, real-life relationships involve dual ended effort and compromise.
What determines the success of a relationship is both party’s ability to problem solve together. Furthermore, books, movies, and tv shows often end the union of two soulmates with “and they lived happily ever after.” Realistically however, people change over time, and what may have been a perfect match at one point in time may not be the case in the future.
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Furthermore, it is a struggle of modern times to not make comparisons between one’s personal life to the idealized relationships presented online. With the rise of social media, the depiction of love is a heavy part of the culture of oversharing, where people put out intimate details of their love lives for their followers to see and live vicariously through, in turn making one feel inadequate for not achieving the same. This has led to an increased focus on the "perfect relationship," with people curating their online lives to showcase only the most positive aspects of it. These are false depictions of real people, not films and tropes everyone knows are fake. In turn, this further distorts people’s view of love and relationships, making it difficult to distinguish what is real from what is not.
Photo By: Ayra Rajwani // THE UNDERGROUND
This is commonly seen on social media platforms like TikTok, evident by the types of reactionary comments left under happy couple posts. As demonstrated in the picture above, the idea of a perfect relationship easily takes a toll on young and impressionable individuals. From “you guys look so happy, I’m sleeping on the highway tonight,” to “if you two break up, I will never believe in love again,” it’s beginning to feel like those who fail to achieve the perfect love life for themselves begin to live vicariously through the happiness portrayed by their peers online.
So, does this mean “love” as we know it, does not exist?
That every portrayal of love is an unrealistic expectation that we should never look up to? Not quite, but we must remember that does not happen the way it does in the movies.
According to me, love is a conscious choice that two individuals make together and choose to pursue, and it is counterproductive to view it as anything other than that.
By understanding the difference between fantasy and reality, and approaching love with realistic expectations, we can cultivate healthy and fulfilling relationships based on genuine connection, effort, and mutual understanding. Though the media is a primary culprit in why we have certain expectations of love to begin with, it is also the reason our perception of it is so fragmented and shattered.
