Discovering Life (and Myself) Somewhere New: Lessons I Learned so Far Living Abroad

What an 18-year-old immigrant has to say about living away from home, finding yourself again, relationships and why you should not give up.

I left everything I knew behind and discovered more about life in three months than in 18 years. Photo by Marina Meireles // THE UNDERGROUND

To say that moving to a new place is overwhelming would be an understatement. Even moving to a different apartment is difficult. Imagine packing your whole life in two suitcases and traveling across the world to start fresh. The application process, documents, visas and all the stress that comes with it don’t even come close to how hard it is to adapt to a new atmosphere, which I thought was going to be the easiest part. You get to your final destination but it doesn’t feel final. It’s just the start of your journey.

Leaving my country was always a dream of mine since I was about three or four years old. I imagined myself living that iconic scene from “The Devil Wears Prada”. Many international students can relate to this. When we leave our homes, we are searching for something better. My country is in a complicated political and economic situation with a lack of opportunities and many different social issues. 

I still want to live life like her. // GIF via Teen Vogue.

You’ll always miss home, but you'll also never want to leave your new life.

Seeing my loved ones having fun back home made me question if I had made the right choice to study and live abroad. I wish I could have been there for my best friend’s birthday, celebrating with all of our friends, or that I could be in the last family reunion with everyone I grew up with.

At the same time, while I wished I was there, I can’t imagine myself not being where I am today. Adapting yourself somewhere new is hard and being able to make real friends in that process is even harder. Then I go to my favorite class of the week, learn about things I want to do in the future and realize how happy I am to be here living my dream. That wish to be anywhere else melts away.

You’ll always miss home, but, just between us, you won’t trade this new life you’re discovering for anything.

Making friends in a new culture and place is hard, but not impossible.

I already reflected how hard it is to make friends at university before, but I don’t think any one article could capture it perfectly. Coming from high school where you’ve been studying with the same group of friends for a while, to a university where—most of the time—you don’t know anyone, can be very overwhelming. You long for the days where you can go back home and be with your real friends again and try to relive those feelings you had in high school as a teenager. And of course, some of these friendships will last forever, while others will fade away for you to grow—and that’s okay.

Still, though I find it hard to connect with people today the same way I connect with my friends in high school, it’s not impossible to create real and amazing connections in university. The one thing that changed the game for me was to take out the pressure of finding that perfect friend group right in the first few weeks of classes. I came here with the mindset that I needed to have best friends right away. Turns out no one needs that. Once I got used to that idea, real friendships started to bloom right in front of my eyes, something that I had been struggling to find before.

It is also hard to make friends with people that grew up in a different culture than you. A very simple—and silly—example is the way we communicate. In my country (Brazil), even when you’re just meeting someone new, you say hi with a hug. While here in Canada, handshakes are the way to say hi. That was such a shock for me because I didn’t really know what to do. You get used to these differences but it is another discovery you need to adapt to.

With time you’ll find your people. // Photo via Pinterest.

Don’t forget where you came from, but also don’t let that hold you back from your future.

I keep thinking about my family back home and how much my ancestors have been through. I remember how my grandparents couldn’t even finish middle school because they had to help their households. How my parents didn’t have as many opportunities as I have right now, but still made sure I had the chance to pursue what I wanted. These thoughts consume my mind and make me feel sometimes that I should be home, and that I shouldn’t have chosen to move.

This guilt can be paralyzing. Many children of immigrants, or other young people that moved abroad in search of a better life can empathize.  You feel that while you’re living your best life here, your loved ones never had the chance to live this and you wish they could’ve.

We can’t forget our story and the legacy behind us. We need to honour and treasure that and, at the same time, let it motivate you to move forward and not keep you from achieving your dreams. This is your story now. Make it a good one.

Loving to discover life here. Photo by Marina Meireles // THE UNDERGROUND