What’s with Body Image Issues and the Tradition of Cooking and Dining Together?
The truth is, no one seems to be satisfied with their bodies. The worries over my body will probably never disappear. But I try to minimize their impact on my life and the people around me.
BY: JINGSHU HELEN YAO
I was surprised at my friend’s Alex post about not enjoying eating with family members; but I also completely understand the reason for her statement. Cooking and eating with others is an important part of my daily life. Even when I lived alone, I found chances to share food with my roommates and friends. Ever since I returned home, I cooked for my family, ate with them, and sometimes dined out together. The chances of having someone eating with me is higher than it has ever been for the past four years. As much as I enjoy it and would continue doing it no matter what, it did bring me frustrations.
This made me rethink the experience of eating with others, especially when one is concerned about their body image.
Illustration of Negative Body Image / Illustration via iStock
According to AEI, body image issues are when individuals compare their body with unrealistic idealism and focus, therefore end up exaggerating minor or even imaginary flaws in their appearance. A negative body image may lead to depression, anxiety, and increases the chances of having an eating disorder or obsession with weight loss.
My weight was within the “normal range” growing up and I seldom shared my friends’ concerns over food intake and weight loss. I often witnessed them avoiding lunch and engaging in a heated discussion about how to effectively lose fat, though their size and shape all looked fine to me. Their concerns continued to grow as we became older, and soon they changed from being purely about weight to the size of breast, waist, and hip when puberty started to show its effect.
Before I even realized it, I was struck with the fact that my body was rectangular, unlikely to have a slim waist and skinny legs like many girls like to show off with skirts, that Asian women tend to have small breasts and hips, and that I have a rounded face that made me look chubby.
Checking The Scale too Frequently Might not be a Good Idea / Illustration via GQ
Without knowing when and how it happened, I found myself watching the number on the scale closely, highly restricting my sugar intake, and my social media feed filled with weight loss recipes and workout videos. Soon I began to worry about the things I normally ignored. I have tried different diets, such as cutting back on the amount of carbohydrates, including more proteins and fibre, and watching the calories of different foods. I also followed online workout routines, tried out some really intense exercises, and even hurt my back and legs at some point.
However, I didn’t become lighter in weight. I felt confused, defeated, and sometimes even disgusted with myself when I bent down and unavoidably felt the existence of the excess fat on my waist that I was so desperate to lose.
The truth is, no one seemed to be satisfied with their body. Whenever I shared such insecurity with people around me, whatever their age and gender, everyone came up with body features they dislike about themselves. At the same time, they tended to notice more positive things about me.
When I only cooked for myself, simplicity was the priority, so I could simply throw everything together, use as little oil and seasoning as I wished, and call it a day. However, it became a different story when I had to cook for my family and eat with them. I was told that the lack of oil and salt made my cooking less palatable, and they’d prefer more meat options on the table. The clashes of personal preference, culture, and belief became a very common issue when I ate with my family.
My family would worry that I wasn’t eating enough while I tried to convince them that a vegetable-based meal is more healthy on a personal level and more environmentally friendly in general. While I didn’t want to be ungrateful for their care and ruin the limited time we were spending together before I had to leave home again, I felt the pressure eating with family could bring.
I asked Alex, who had dealt with body image issues since a very young age, to share some strategies. This is what they shared with me:
Working out helps, but always pay attention to the method and intensity.
While working out is a good way to make one feel better about their body, there’s a risk of overdoing it, which might lead to injuries. Working out for too long or with high intensity might do more harm than good. Alex suggested that each person has their own style of exercising. She preferred dancing because it’s both her hobby and a way to work out.
Find distractions.
Alex mentioned that watching cartoons helped her when she felt distressed because of her body. Not only because they are fun, but also because the portraits of the characters are usually different enough from people in real life that she won’t automatically compare herself with them. TV shows or movies with good-looking actors might not be as helpful in this case.
Talk about it.
It might be difficult to discuss at first, especially during the low point of the depression. But Alex found that talking to someone afterwards could significantly change her mood. It doesn’t necessarily have to be about the issues, but simply the communication and the company.
Fighting Eating Disorders / Illustration via HPM
I talked to my parents and eventually reached a common ground where we could eat at the same table but not change or criticize each other’s diet too much. I still exercise and monitor my diet but try not to step onto a scale too often or try to squeeze myself into the clothes that I no longer fit in. The worries over my body still exist, but I try to minimize their impact on my life and people around me.
