Where do I even start?
This garbage won’t even give me the satisfaction of burning
I’ll start with how pretentious it is to write a review of your own publication. It’s like jerking off to a video of yourself jerking off. But luckily that’s exactly the type of fucked up shit I’m into. Besides, this isn’t to praise the dog-shit quality of a publication that the Underground has been. It’s to call out the waste of paper and ink that it’s been – oh yes, buckle in, it’s fucking story time.
No student wants to read about denuclearization in a student publication, and they for sure don’t want to read about it when they open the ‘Love & Sex’ issue. They looking for dem titties, not for a commentary on the growing possibility of nuclear conflict between Russia and the US. Content has been lacking for years at the Underground.
The outdated and ridiculous nature of sections is part of the problem. Who the fuck out here reading the Underground for sports? Where’s the commentary on a seemingly corrupt elections process? Where’s the commentary on the lack of student life at UTSC? We had three fucking articles about snowmen last year, but they couldn’t find time to write a follow up article about the SCSU elections?
Administratively it’s even more of a nightmare. Absolutely no transition, everything in shambles, past team members attempting to blackmail me for roles in the organization – bitch, I’m Eilia mothafucking Yazdanian, I don’t care if you’ve deleted all the files and won’t give us our template, we’ll make our own, I don’t need your shitty template enough to jeopardize the quality and integrity of this paper by being forced to hire you.
Every valid question about a lack of leadership at the Underground has been met with “well I hadn’t been trained on that”. The reality is, you really can’t train someone on everything, especially not soft skills like leadership and general competency.
Also, these motherfuckers “blurred” the word “fucking” in one of their issues. What is this preschool? We can’t say “fuck”, or “fucking”, or “motherfuckers”? Ya best be sure ya boy going to drop some motherfucking F-bombs this year.
It would be amiss if I did not talk about the fact that the Underground was stopped from pursuing an article about the SCSU, cause it “wouldn’t be nice”. I think it’s pretty obvious what my sentiments about that this. But just in case it’s not: it’s a load of fucking horseshit, what the actual fuck? Do your fucking job.
This fucking paper is going to give me an aneurism.
Moving forward, there will be no articles about denuclearization in the Underground. No articles about snowmen, and definitely no four-page articles about coffee making (which dumbass thought it was okay to publish a four-page article about coffee making?).
UTSC focused articles, about student lives, student experiences, and student perspectives – and even then, not “news briefs” about the latest who-gives-a-fuck research on campus. But dope ass articles, like the Antifia feature – we on some next level vibes.
You bastards are in for a wild fucking ride this year, you’ve never had a reason to read the Underground before, we’re giving you one. No weird editorial quotes about believing in you, no pompous editorial quotes that are rip off Kanye lyrics. No book reviews, and movie reviews, and idiotic sports commentary. Real, legit, investigative, opinionated journalism.
Give us a chance. But more than that, don’t point to the past.
We all agree, the Underground has not lived up to its potential. Rather than making this year about that, let’s work together to realize the true potential of the Underground – as the voice of UTSC students.
We are working hard this year to be more than just a publication: We’ve got a lot more in the pipeline that we are working on. And not for ourselves, this isn’t about resume padding. This is for you, the students. You are owed a vibrant campus life, and part of that needs to be a proper student publication that helps enrich, and challenge, campus life.
This year is for you.
- Eilia Yazdanian